Gay life after 40

The trouble with being 40 and single

Deep down, I secretly thought 30 was the beginning of the end, the year when the death knell started ringing. I figured I was entering my make-it-or-break-it decade. The conventional gay wisdom which, for many, still rings true today was that like actresses in Hollywood, gay men went out to pasture at 40, as they were replaced by hotter, buffer, and most importantly, younger bucks. I should have listened to Cher when I interviewed her three or so years before turning She told me then that her 40s had been the best years of her life. There is no denying the physical decline that becomes noticeable as one careens toward Why such a positive outlook in a gay world that favors youthful beauty above everything else?

Read on In fact, my 40s have been my most solitary decade. When I was 27, I told my friend Nancy, who is a year and half older, that I could never imagine not going out on a Friday or Saturday night. Twenty years later, I can still work the party scene on a Friday or Saturday evening never both in one weekend , but most nights, my couch is the hottest spot in town. I get more attention from other guys now than I did at 38, 28, or Interestingly, twentysomethings approach me more now than they did when I was twentysomething myself. Or maybe it just comes down to the C-word confidence.

It gives me enough of an ego boost to keep holding out for The One.

Obsessing is stressful, and stress is a top agent of aging. I would have wasted a lot less time fearing time. I have friendships that have stood the test of decades and distance. Seeing them grow and flourish inspires me. Decades of rejection have taught me to back off gracefully.

Life After 'Death'? 10 Reasons Why The 40s Are My Best Gay Decade Yet | HuffPost

I remember when face-to-face was still in, so social media is a luxury, not a necessity. I recently completed a nearly two-month deactivation break from Facebook, and I was shocked at how little I missed it. But if dating ever comes back into style and ridiculous acronyms fall out of favor Dear God: If I were 10 years older, the prime age to have experienced the sexual freedom of the hedonistic disco era firsthand, I might not be around today.

And if I were 10 years younger, I might be living and loving a bit too recklessly. Like technology and social media influence the way millennial gays communicate, Prep and HIV drug regimens influence the way they have sex. Eventually, he was exonerated, but Gerry's legal defense took a toll — both personally and financially — on the couple. To help restock their coffers, Ned entered graduate school, where he started spending a lot of time with fellow students. Before long, he had fallen deeply in love with one of them, a woman named Elsa.

Gerry was naturally stunned when Ned asked him for a divorce. The split unfolded amicably enough, but Gerry saw Ned's actions as inconceivable and unexplainable.

Poet Drew Pisarra

Within a year Ned and Elsa were married and had a baby daughter; their marriage remains strong today. These stories are unusual, but they are not unique. They point up how imperfectly behavioral scientists understand what attracts us to a certain person at one time in our lives, but to a completely different kind of person at another. Violet and Ned add two more bits of anecdotal evidence to our dawning understanding that many of us possess more sexual flexibility than we ever knew.

Pepper Schwartz answers your sex, relationships and dating questions in her blog.

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